Halifax Gentlemen's Poker Association

"We're as honest as gambling men can be."

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Game Report 8/29/06

Location: The Upper Bowl of the MillerDome
Attendance: Neil, Bob, Alex, Miller, Tiger, EBOC, Speedbag, "Dirty" (friend of Miller), "Marchant" (another friend of Miller), "Steve" (yet another friend of Miller) and Some Guy Whose Name I Forget Who Was Always Smiling So I Will Call Him "Smiley" (who knew Miller had all these friends?!)

I personally didn't arrive until 9:20 p.m. to find a large group of people already fully entrenched in gambling, so forgive me for not recapping what was happening up until this point.

What I can tell you is that Bob had a huge amount of chips before him in a little something we all know and love called the Bob Wall. The one known as Dirty was wearing sunglasses which made me immediately suspicious of his sanity, but he also had a large amount of money in front of him so I guess they were working. The rest of the chips were kind of evenly spread around the table I think, with the exception of Speedbag who earned kudos for bringing my Bag of Holding for me but had yet suffered the same fate as last week by busting entirely out very early in the night.

With so many people, games were limited to Omaha, Hold 'Em & Guts (with no interest in Pineapple, it seems). Rounds took a long time because of all the talking and bet prodding, but slowly the game took shape.

Bob was dominating early and often, using his large stack to push people out of hands left & right, with people foolish enough to remain in to discover he actually had the cards in the end. Alex was sucking at the other end of the poker teet, as his luck could not have been worse had his butted in front of a leprechaun at the movies on Friday the 13th, as he was forced to fold almost everything that came before him.

EBOC played his usual "sure, why the fuck not" style, winning one hand but summarily losing several in a row, eventually busting out totally rather early in the night. Eric's luck was little better, as he was forced to rebuy several times, eventually culminating in another trip to a local ATM that henceforth shall be called "Eric's Trip" after the now defunct Haligonian alt-rock band of the same name.

Tiger played with typical caution and verve, and he and Bob were usually two of the last people battling over chips in the pots, with success both ways. Neil (yes, I am switching tenses) played cautiously as he was dealt mostly garbage cards for a long time and had no idea how the Miller Four played.

Dirty was a decent if not deliberate player who usually made the right calls based on pot odds and the like. Marchant seemed almost random with his play, he was very hard to get a read on but busted out midway through the night and was removed from the equation. Steve was somewhat haphazard which made him difficult to predict but he did make a couple of nice moves on hands after busting out a few times early. Smiley was by far the most entertaining as he was clearly a poker novice and was a good sport about everything. This factor grew exponentially after we shared some pot, to the surprise of no one.

After several large wins for Bob during Omaha and Hold 'Em, Dirty's stack shrunk and Bob's grew. Alex was deep in the red at this point, but Miller finally carved out a beachhead of chips. Tiger had some decent stacks of dollar chips, and seemed content to not risk them unecessarily. Steve's stack whittled away slowly, but Smiley seemed to occasionally win a hand, keeping his ability to call blinds intact.

A turning point of the night happened as Neil went all in three times in a row in Omaha and managed to quadruple, triple and double up respectively, turning his $4 stack into an impressive $100 or so in a matter of three hands. This also in turn cleaned out Bob in a sudden shocking move, as Neil's three 10s somehow survived numerous full house and flush draws in a nail-biting game of Omaha.

Alex's bad luck soon saw him bust out well down on the night, and the Crazy Games were officially afoot. Due to the influx of new members, the pace was slow as we had to explain the rules of each crazy game, but both Garbage Day, Pregnant Cows, Slaughterhouse and eBay were met with interest. Baseball, despite Bob's constant shilling, was not met with the best of receptions. Smiley then invented an unholy hybrid of Pregnant Cows and eBay which allowed Neil to relieve both Miller and Dirty of the last of their chips, and with a huge portion of the chips in front of Neil and the hour drawing near, the evening was called.

Big Winner: Neil, with a delicious +$130 off a single buy-in

Big Loser: Alex, who saw $50 do little for him over the night

Hot Streak: Neil's aforementioned insane 4x/3x/2x combo

Big Hand: Neil's three 10s somehow holding off two full house draws and two flush draws to the tune of about $70 in the pot

Another Huge Hand: Neil's five Aces schooling Dirty's five 5s and Eric's five 10s in a game of Pregnant eBay for a delightful $40 pot (made all the more amusing by the fact that Miller was all in from the get go and actually drew to five 10s without the aid of auction cards or betting & that Neil was forced to pay approx. $45 of his own stack to buy wildcards just so Dirty would not have them)

Strange Allegory of the Night: Bob's giant can of Old Milwaukee being compared to a dinosaur and his huge stack of chips in front of him compared to an electric fence keeping the can from killing us all.

Ironic Twist: Bob's revelation that two cans of this dinosaur-sized beer were "not getting the job done".

Science Content: Blushing is caused by confused state of mind acts upon the sympathetic nervous system. From there, the vasodilators are stimulated which causes the peripheral capillaries to expand. As a result, more blood flows to the surface of the face and neck, resulting in the reddening of the face and neck. Also, if you are Tiger, you apparently blush when you have good cards, according to Bob.

Good Idea of the Night: Bob suggesting that in games of Guts where nobody goes in, instead of just everyone tossing in another ante, the person with the highest hand has to pay the pot (aka, The Coward Penalty). *Subject to further HGPA ratification.

Quote of the Night: "Ooooh - snap! In yo' face, niggaz!" - The seemingly preppy Steve after busting caps into the asses of Dirty and Tiger in a three-way Gang War.

Other Quote of the Night: "Yeah, well, this is just how I operate, you see. - EBOC just before a patented EBOC Call of Justice with questionable cards that may or may not end up winning

Honorable Mention: "Man, I can't believe I am resorting to Harry Potter jokes." - Neil, after realizing he had just made a reference to Hogwart's as part of his never-ebbing nonsensical stream of pop-culture idiom.

News From The Poker World

I'm not one to give advice unsolicited, but sometimes I just have to:

If you are spear-heading the largest illegal Internet gambling operation in San Antonio, maybe you should try and avoid the spotlight.

This would include not making it to the final table of the nationally televised World Series of Poker, finishing in sixth place and winning over $3,000,000 in prize money, if you can help it.

Police Search House Of WSOP Finalist

Now that's just dumb.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Game Report 8/22/06

Location: Allan Street Poker Syndicate
Attendance: Neil, Drake, Bob, Alex, Chris, Miller, Carsten, Cracker, Speedbag

A larger than expected turnout once again forced the use of one of Neil's endtables as a chair, if only for a brief time.

The action was fast and furious, even by HGPA standards, as there were four all-ins and 4 bust outs in the first five hands of the night, courtesy of some wild Omaha play. A bamboozled Speedbag, fresh of a hiatus from the weekly games, was busted directly off the table before the button even got back to him after calling the first game of the night.

Games of Hold 'Em and Omaha rotated as Alex, Chris and Neil built up some respectable stacks. Eric couldn't seem to find the luck, and Drake played his usual protective style. Bob hit a few big hands early but soon found his chips leaking. Cracker dazzled the table with his provocative all-in calls while holding almost nothing, and Carsten's stay was indeed a short one as he busted out about an hour into the night after burning through a pair of buy-ins.

With the numbers at seven, some surprisingly spirited games of High/Low Chicago resulted in a lot of chips moving around, including Drake managing to hit both ends on a nice Kings-over full house with the king of spades underneath. Despite his bleary eyes and immense fatigue, Chris bent Neil over nicely to split a large $90 pot, as his 2 of spades eked out over Neil's 3 of the same suit, with Alex's three aces surprisingly holding strong. Bob managed to turn his stack around a little, and Eric continued to struggle to find the cards he needed.

As Crazy Games approached, Cracker busted out for a third time, relegating himself to the sidelines for a while. Bob made a lunatic call in Baseball, drawing one of the five cards he needed to make his full house with his last card, effectively sapping Chris of the remainder of his spirit if not his chips. Neil managed to clean Bob out on a large $25 hand, sending Bob into a spiral of debt. Alex cautiously guarded his monstrous stack of black chips, as Drake played defensively with his as well. Chris cashed out up a fair amount as the Crazy Games began.

Cracker, Eric & Drake all saw themselves forced back into their wallets for Crazy Games, as Neil and Alex continued to build stacks. A lot of Garbage Day was played, with full houses falling to larger full houses or inevitable four of a kinds. Montezuma's Revenge saw Neil's straight flush soundly beaten by Bob's trip 10s, promptly followed by his three 3s losing to Eric's three 7s. Rain Man, Federation Day and the ubiquitous wholesale all-ins that only Pregnant Cows & The Four Whores can bring were also played. New games called Fingers and The Curse of Ricardo Monteban debuted, with interesting results. Two very close and dramatic Gang Wars saw a lot of chips move from one stack to the other, and soon Drake and Cracker were both totally out while Bob made a resurgence all the way back from -$40. A few hands later, Eric was also down for the count and the game was called due to the late hour, a full 2 1/2 hours into Crazy Games.

Big Winners: Alex & Neil, both around +$50

Big Losers: Cracker & Eric, both around -$40

Big Draw: Bob drawing the last wild card with his last card to pull a full house out of the air in Baseball.

Close But No Cigar: Neil's sending $28 to Alex and Chris after the latter's 2 of spades destroyed Neil's 3 of spades in a lucrative game of Low Chicago.

No House Like Full House: Alex folding four full houses in a row, pre-flop.

We're All Fucking Crazy Award: For all of us and our near constant all-in calls at the start of the night.

Drama Central: Bob almost pulling off a monstrous Gang War win versus Neil despite having three undercards.

Thanks a Lot, Loser: Eric getting shafted twice in a row during Garbage Day because of unexpected folds.

Quote of the Night: "For the record, I love titties. So shut the fuck up." - Cracker defending his masculinity and thus setting the tone of the evening.

Common Poker Jargon (Part I)

First of series of posts defining some poker jargon that regularly does, or should, show up at H.G.P.A. events. These are terms in addition to the basic glossary available on Neil's HGPA site. A related series of H.G.P.A.-coined jargon may follow.

all day: The total current posted bet. Used to indicate that the speaker is referring to the total bet, versus the difference the acting player would need to post. Equivalent to "the total amount is".

Action is on Neil; two bucks all day.

back into: To win a pot with a hand that would have folded to any bet. For example, two players enter a pot of draw poker, both drawing to flushes. Both miss, and check after the draw. The player with the ace-high draw "backs into" winning the pot against the player with only a king-high draw. Also to make a backdoor draw, for example, a player who starts a hand with three of a kind, but makes a runner-runner flush, can be said to back into the flush.

I can't believe I backed into the pot with that pair of queens last night.

berry patch: A game with many unskilled or "live" players; a lucrative opportunity for profit.

One of the starting tables at that last tournament was a real berry patch.

dry pot: A side pot with no money. Created when a player goes all in and is called by more than one opponent, but not raised. Bluffing into a dry pot is a play that cannot possibly earn a profit, so doing so is considered foolish. It may also be unethical, because it serves to protect the all-in player at the expense of the bettor and the other players, and so is a form of collusion.

Considering the number of all-ins we get, it's funny that I don't think I've ever seen a dry pot in weekly play.

idiot end: The bottom end of a straight.

I was on the idiot end, but my read on the table was that no one else had straightened. My read was wrong.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Game Report 8/15/06

Location: Larch Street Den of Ill Repute (same as last week)
Attendance: Neil, Drake, Bob, EBOC, Alex, Chris, Miller (also same as last week ... spooky)

A repeat of last week's showing once again descended on Alex's pretty little world and settled in for a nice night of gambling.

The game opened with rounds of Omaha dealing the usual damage to the usual suspects. Chris built a nice stack early, while Bob & Eric were both bled out quick. Drake played his usual protective style, and Neil's vain attempt to not play wild was a total failure. EBOC played loose but not as loose as usual because of a limited bankroll, and Alex picked his spots as best he could.

A few games of High/Low/Bloody Chicago saw some pretty wild betting, with several large stacks of chips exchanging hands on numerous occasions. One especially cruel hand saw Drake's king of spades losing to Bob's Ace of spades - one of the three times in a row Bob received the ace of spades in High Chicago.

Eric managed to pull off a nice bluff as he convinced everyone he had the nuts only to reveal he had bupkus, securing a huge pile of chips for himself after some early woes. Chris was up to 50-60 bucks at one point, but hit a dry spell and saw his stacks wither. EBOC soon found his luck run out as he ran out of chips and money and fled the table in search of poutine.

After pulling himself back near even with a big full house pull in Omaha, Neil promptly lost almost all his chips to Alex's nut straight on the very next hand. Bob then hit a tremendous string of wins and built an impressive wall of chips which he would ride the rest of the evening. Rounds of Texas Hold 'Em and Pineapple didn't result in too many changes leading into Crazy Games.

Pregnant Cows, Federation Day, Baseball, Garbage Day, Sweaty Mexican Whore, Montezuma's Revenge, Let's Have a Barbeque, The Four Whores and a new game called Rain Man that totally confused the hell out of everyone except Chris all made showings during the Crazy Game period. Chris' chip stack continued to dwindle after a particularly massive hand he lost against Bob, and Drake's comeback screeched to a halt after his straight flush hit Eric's five queens in Pregnant Cows. Neil's insane attempt to draw to a flush on Bob with three cards left in baseball was a costly $4 lesson. Alex took down a couple of small hands with some particularly aggresive betting, while Eric nutured what was still decent sized stack. With Neil and Drake now out, the Crazy Games drew to a close.

Big Winner: Bob, with somewhere in the area of +$50

Big Loser: Neil, for the third week in a row, with -$50

Big Hand of the Night: Chris drawing three queens with his last three cards in Sweaty Mexican Whore, answering the question as to where the hell all the queens were the whole time and thus giving Chris a hand of six threes.

Best Win in Absentia: Alex going all-in in High Chicago with his small stack and after seeing what everyone else had face up, leaving the room to find more money to rebuy with, only to come back and discover his K-Q-J unsuited actually won him half the sidepot for a small profit on the hand.

Quote of the Night: "I wish I had a plane to fly into those fucking twin towers in front of Bob over there." - Drake, referring to Bob's skyline of chips complete with a replica WTC site made out of dollar chips.

Honorable Mention: "If I don't win this hand, I'm going to fucking punch someone." - Neil, commenting on what he presumed was a surefire win after numerous disasterous losses. No punches were thrown.

* Best Conversation During The Break Award *

Chris: Hrm, interesting. *perusing Alex's bookcase of comics and graphic novels*

Alex: You see something you'd like to borrow, dude?

Chris: Oh, no, I was just seeing if there was anything there you could trade for chips if you bust out again.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Player Profile: Josh "Tiger" Forbes

Name: Josh Forbes

Nickname: Tiger

D.O.B: 11/28/1971

Real World Occupation: I make rubbers.

Poker Highlights: Winning the H.G.P.A. Poker Tourney a few months ago. Also, my first night playing, watching Eric and Neil go all in fighting each other while I snuck in and won the big pot with four of a kind at Omaha. (EdNote: Yeah, good times indeed. Sigh.)

Style of Play: Tighter than Mental’s mom before she pushed him out.

Best Poker Attribute: I show up with money.

Worst Poker Attribute: Eating too many chocolate squirrels.

Favourite Game: Hold’Em. It’s the only one that I’m sure I know the rules to.

Least Favorite Game: Ebay

Hand You Always Play: Usually the left one until the callouses start chaffing. In poker, pocket ducks (2-2).

Little Known Fact: I used to be the Cuban Assassin from “Atlantic Grand Prix Wrestling”. I also watch Big Brother. Seasons 2 - 7.

Tournament Report 8/12/06

Location: Allan Street Poker Syndicate
Participants: Neil, Chris, Drake, Ward, Bob, Miller, Cal, Mal, Cracker, Hyland, Dunwoody, Kevin (pal of Chris)

A strong turnout that necessitated the use of two tables, this was a tourney for the record books in more ways than one.

I honestly have no way to know exactly what went during some of the early phase play, so please forgive any omissions or oversights.


* Cal only "bought in twice" despite a near constant exchange of twenty dollar bills for new stacks of chips.

* Kevin, the "patsy" Chris brought along actually seemed to know how to play poker, despite early reports to the contrary.

* Cracker busted out twice within the first round, and after refusing to buy in again, was officially the first person out.

* Mal literally didn't play a single hand except for his big blinds for the first round and a half of play.

* Neil missed a chance to triple up when he nailed his straight on the turn, only to see the board hit a full straight on the river, thus splitting the pot back. Argh.

* Hyland spoke about five words all night.

* The tables combined when we got down to eight people. It was thought at this point that there'd be about another hour or so of poker. We were way off.

* Neil actually spent far more time dealing poker (3.5 hours) than he did playing poker (1.5 hours).

* Mal actually hit quad-aces in the later rounds but couldn't get anyone to bite.

Order of Elimination

12 - Cracker, playing true to form.

11 - Neil, see above.

10 - Miller, who brought chairs to save the day.

9 - Cal, who occasionally actually had cards.

8 - Bob, clearly lacking in Donair Power.

7 - Ward, who just wanted to go to the party anyways.

6 - Drake, who apparently had "the balls" but not "the cards".

5 - Kevin, who shall herefore be referred to as "Patsy".

4 - Hyland, who ended up in the worst possible spot given the investment of time.

3 - Dunwoody, who also earned $20 for taking out Drake.
Total Take: $114 + $20.

2 - Mal, whose early silent play payed literal dividends.
Total Take: $171

Chris, with his first tourney win, long overdue.
Total Take: $285
(new record)

Total Pot: A staggering $590 (another new record)
Time Played: A mind-boggling 5h58mins (yet another new record)
Quote of the Night: "Man, I really wish I knew what cards you had right now." - Chris, while debating whether or not he should call Cal in large hand in the early stages.

Great times had by all in this marathon of a tourney. Please fill the comments with things I have missed/forgotten/don't care about so all will know of the greatness that was this debauchle.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Game Report 8/08/06

Location: Larch Street Den of Ill Repute
Attendance: Neil, Drake, Bob, EBOC, Alex, Chris, Miller

A fine inaugural game held at Alex's new apartment. The extra Pledge on the table made for some interesting dealing and chip flinging, as the gambling gods once again had their way with the H.G.P.A.

Initial rounds of Hold 'Em were mostly uneventful, with some medium pots being shared around the table. Neil's slow play paid little dividends, and Bob was forced to fold many of his hands pre-flop. Alex played his usual cautious style, juxtaposed by EBOC's wild flinging of chips into the pot. Chris and Eric both quietly built some stacks as the game turned to Omaha.

As is usually the case in Omaha, a lot of people lost a lot of money in a hurry. Bob went all in and lost two hands in a row, allowing him an excuse to leave early to tend to some peon of his that locked themselves out of the store. Neil was forced to rebuy a few times after several disasterous attempts to draw a full house, and Eric's stack reaped the benefits.

EBOC and Chris exchanged a few massive pots, including a massive $25 swing on a hand that EBOC was convinced he had lost whereas he had in fact won. Drake busted out but was goaded into a rebuy, a move that would prove fateful later in the night. Alex also saw his luck turn sour, as he was forced into a pair of rebuys while EBOC, Chris and Eric's wealth grew.

Heading into Crazy Games, Alex saw his luck turn around as he began to take down a few hands. Eric, who had hit a string of bad luck in Pineapple, saw it continue in hands of Montezuma's Revenge and Garbage Day, as his once proud stack dwindled. Chris took down a few large pots and Neil was forced into yet another buy-in, but was instantly gutted by another EBOC all-in move where he was convinced he had lost but in reality was packing five jacks.

Karma finally delivered some justice as Chris raked EBOC's large stack over the coals to the tune of $28 bucks, and after Eric and Drake were simultaneously busted out after a nasty hand of Pregnant Cows. A few card cuts dealt with the change, and the night ended rather early, around 12:30 a.m. or so.

Big Winner: Chris, with +$45 or so

Big Loser: Neil, with a not-so-bad $-35

Big Swing: Chris catching EBOC's all-in with a massive hand, resulting in a nice $28 chip haul out of EBOC's big stack.

Precipitous Drop: Eric going from being the clear Big Stack to busted out totally in a span of about ten hands.

So Close, Yet So Far Away: Drake nearly drawing enough wild cards to change his ace high straight to five aces to match the five aces EBOC was holding in a game of Pregnant Cows.

Bad Beat Uno: Drake's straight flush tearing a hole in Alex & Neil's decent straights in a hand of Montezuma's Revenge.

Bad Beat Dos: EBOC's four fives briefly losing to Neil's four tens, until it was realized that EBOC actually had four jacks, sending EBOC into another fit of rage over mistakenly winning a huge hand.

Quote of the Night: "Sweet merciful tap-dancin' Jesus on a graham cracker!" - EBOC, expressing his exasperation over mistakenly thinking he had lost only to realize he had pulled down a massive pot with the winning hand

Honorable Mention: "Hrm ... my initial reaction is that of unpleasantness, or something being terribly wrong." - Neil's reaction to a large mouthful of some powerful Hungarian Brandy Chris had graciously supplied for him and EBOC.

Player Profile: Eric Miller

Name: Eric Miller

Nickname: E

Date of Birth: 10/16/82
(EdNote: Eric is a fucking child!)

Real World Occupation: Art Director

Poker Highlights: $150 win at The Cracker Factory

Style of Play: Helter-Skelter

Best Poker Attribute: My ablility to make up a retarded amount of crazy games.

Worst Poker Attribute: Not paying attention to what is on the table and staying in when I know I should fold.

Favourite Game: Omaha. Since I'm usually too stuborn to know when to fold, Omaha gives me the best chance to hit someting on the turn or river.

Least Favourite Game: Pineapple/Crazy Pineapple. Both leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Hand You Always Play: Usually any hand that is dealt to me.

Little Known Fact: Got kicked out of SMU. Twice.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

News From The Poker World

Anytime I see a headline about an "ex-Hollywood agent" named Gold wreaking havoc at a gambling table, I think of two things: Ari Gold losing his mind at a blackjack table in "Entourage", and now about this guy and his words of advice about the value of pairs of 10s:

Ex-Hollywood Agent Still Leads at WSOP

Interesting to note that out of the 27 players left in the World Series of Poker, none of them are professional players. Maybe there's some hope for us all.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Game Report 8/01/06

Location: The Cracker Factory
Attendance: Neil, Drake, Bob, EBOC, Alex, Chris, Cracker, Carsten, Tiger, Miller, Kathy

A packed house for the triumphant return of poker to The Cracker Factory. The large group limited the early games to rounds of Hold' Em & Omaha, rounds which took a long-ass time to play.

The HGPA trademark style of play was in full effect, with three all-in moves within the first six hands dealt. Surprisingly, many of the all-ins actually paid out, so nobody was in great peril for the first little while.

Cautious play dominated the crowded table, until drinks and smokes began to wreak havoc with the best laid plans of mice and men. Chris was actually the first to have to rebuy after an early all-in move failed, but his luck would improve over the night. EBOC and Cracker both busted out, but were up to the task of rebuying. Bob built a large stack early while Drake quietly collected a few pots to put himself up. Miller and Neil both were forced into rebuys, the former turning his fortunes around with aggressive play and some massive pots.

Carsten's brief stint at the table saw him drag down a couple of pots, but no major swing either way before he called it a night. Kathy went deep on one large Omaha hand and won, but saw her luck run out a few hands later when she was busted out. Alex played tight and quiet, but took down a pot or two with some good scare tactics. Tiger's steady play served him well until a few bad beats down the road as we headed into Crazy Games. Bob's early large stack mostly evaporated as he took a few chances and fell short. Miller slapped Cracker with an especially vicious win in Omaha, as his Ace kicker on triple 2s squeaked past Cracker's King. Cracker busted out again, but after a short comic book respite found his way back into the chips for some Crazy Games.

At the break into Crazy Games, Miller cashed out an impressive $60 and change, whereas the rest of the chips were fairly evenly spread across the table. EBOC and Kathy were both out as well, thanks to lack of funds, and so Stud Game variations made their debut for the evening. Garbage Day, Montezuma's Revenge and Slaughterhouse were fairly uneventful, with the exception of Tiger and Cracker both losing the last of their chips. Neil managed to double up on Chris in Baseball to the tune of +$16 or so. Clearly baffled by his luck, Neil promptly failed to buy the winning hand in eBay, and after some Choose Your Own Adventure and Intestinal Fortitude, the night drew to a close in surprisingly undramatic fashion with most people left at the table either near even or slightly up.

Big Winner: Miller, with +$65 or so

Big Loser: Cracker, seeping at least $-30

Sweet Score: Neil calling Chris's all in during a game of Baseball and hitting the wildcards and Queens he needed to vanquish Chris' Aces, earning $16 of Chris' chips.

Bad Beat That Made Us All Laugh: Cracker watching his 2-2-2-K-8 get smoked by Miller's 2-2-2-A-4 in a big hand of Omaha.

Stay Off The Grass Award: Neil's dope-induced haze precluding him from purchasing the winning flush in eBay because he "wanted Bob to think he had a full house" despite the fact there was no betting left to be done and Bob was clearly going for a straight.

Quote of the Night: "Well, Drake's mom is working tonight - give her a call." - Tiger to Bob, as part of the "your mama" theme that dominated the evening.

Honorable Mention: "AAAIYYEEEEEEE!" - Ear-splitting shriek from Chris as Bob spilled a small amount of his Old Milwaukee onto the table

News From The Poker World

A lesson to be learned here for all poker players: Even if you are 10 time World Poker Champion Phil Hellmuth, you should show up on time for your games. Also, if you DO hit a Royal Flush, letting loose a "loud and jubilant expletive" is not the way to go, even if you are some scrub from MTV.

Hellmuth Bounced Early From WSOP

Also, as I discovered watching a televised poker match over the weekend, I've come to a stunning conclusion: Jennifer Tilly has enormous breasts. And she's not bad at poker, either.

Jennifer Tilly, WSOP Ladies Champion 2005